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A bad Lent is better than a good vacation
Or so I read somewhere, probably on someone's blog, just a few days ago. And I thought: Hm, I dunno, my honeymoon in Ireland was pretty spectacular. I guess they meant better spiritually.
My Lent was not bad; it was fairly good, but I started Holy Week with an attitude and a half. Just a weird feeling of rebellion against the whole "it's Holy Week so I must feel mournful and holy and pious now" thing. I even skipped Maundy Thursday. But we went to Good Friday service, which in our church is a Tenebrae service on the seven last words of Christ. And when the last candle was extinguished, as I sat in the darkness, something reached out and pulled me in. The protective attitude cracked and I was vulnerable before God, which is one of my biggest fears I think - vulnerability. Oh Lord, you have searched me and known me. I am your wayward daughter who prefers to keep her distance from you. And there is your Son, dying on the cross, who made himself vulnerable to the powers of darkness for our sake, so that nothing can separate us from you.
I went to my first Easter Vigil in years. Our church practices the custom of not singing Alleluia during Lent, so when we finally sang out our Alleluias that night, it was pure joy. We sang "Come Ye Faithful Raise the Strain," by John of Damascus, the last verses of which is:
Alleluia! we cry to our King immortal
who, triumphant, burst the bars of the tomb's dark portal
Alleluia! with the Son, God the Father, praising,
Alleluia! yet again to the Spirit raising.
After the Vigil, the church had a reception for the newly baptized and the new members who joined the church. My best friend, who is in the choir, and I hugged and exchanged Easter greetings, and it was apparent she was exhausted. The choir sang Thursday, Friday, Saturday and of course Sunday. And I remembered immediately that for some, Holy Week means a triple workload. So let us offer prayers of thanksgiving to God for all the pastors, music directors, choirs, liturgists, and all others who served this past week.
Alleluia! Christ is risen!
Hmmm...You have struck a nerve in here somewhere. It is a good thing, but
I am challenged. I'll get back to you on that.
The Lord is risen indeed! Alleluia!
AngloBaptist [tripp@anglobaptist.org]
My experience was quite similar. I have kind of a bad attitude about Holy
Week, as I said in an earlier comment, because it requires a level of faith
I don't actually have. I bailed out of Maundy Thursday service halfway
through, because I didn't work up the nerve to get my feet washed, and it's
mainly about communion and I don't do communion, and I was tired and
hungry. The Tenebrae service was really beautiful and moving though -- it
brought tears to my eyes, literally.
I still didn't get quite in the spirit of things on Easter, but it was better than I feared it might be. During communion I went up for the first time and received a blessing, and that felt good actually. I didn't know the whole etiquette about folding your arms; I just leaned over to the pastor and said, "Can you just give me a blessing?" Oh well, they all know I'm new...
Camassia
I've been thinking about what Camassia said about Holy Week requiring a
level of faith she didn't have. I'm not entirely sure what she meant, but
I do want to say that we all feel like that sometimes. I definitely have
thought upon occasion, "oh this is all just a bunch of crap. This world is
all there is." And I believe I'm not alone in having those moments. It's
like the quote in Mark, "I believe; help my unbelief." If I had to rely on
my faith to get me through Holy Week, or anything else, I'd be in trouble.
I rely on Christ's faith. Well, someone might say, but you have to have
faith to rely upon Christ. I see that point, but I think we must always
make God's grace primary. Even if I'm wavering in belief, and I just yell
out, "I can't do this right now!" I know this cry is made possible by
grace. Okay, but how do we recognize the grace? I'm not sure. I think
this may be where community comes in. Rather than waiting until we "feel"
faith, we cast our lot in with this ragtag bunch of disciples and practice
faith. Karl Barth said faith is obedience. I like that.
So I went to Holy Week, and I submitted myself to the week. I know "submission" is a bad word for feminists, but it doesn't bother me anymore in most circumstances. I know that giving myself over to the story of Jesus' death and resurrection helps me grow as a disciple. I know I emphasized my feelings in my blog above, but I don't think feelings are the end-all and be-all of faith.